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Written by Eric Courtney
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Tuesday, 05 December 2006 01:37 |
It's already happening. The mall parking lots are staying full late into the evening, ads in the paper beg for retail holiday help, and people are strapping noble fir wreaths to the grills of their SUV.
By this time next week, every poor planning dorkalope will crowd into the stores with reckless abandon. Unfortunately, I will probably be part of the heard; I too shop last minute. But... I have a plan. If you're reading this, consider the following advice my holiday gift to you. A small gift of holiday wisdom. Here are five easy steps to keeping your sanity this holiday shopping season.
(insert drum roll here)
5) Make a list (check it twice) of specific purchases for your family and the people you want to make feel like you really care about them. If you go to the stores to browse for ideas, you're setting yourself up for a 16oz quad-shot of estresso. Mmm, good coffee.
4) Shop during work hours. Tell your boss you're going to take an extended lunch, then microwave a Hot-Pocket on your way out the office door and do some power shopping, kid. Most people wait until after work to do their holiday shopping. Don't shop at night!
3) If you're planning a big item purchase, call the store before you drive there. Ask how many units they have in stock, and ask how fast they're selling. Determine whether you can secure the purchase before you make the drive clear across town, then execute. If you think you're going to find a Sony PlayStation 3 right now, you're stupid! Login to ebay and place your $1000 bid along with the rest of the idiots around the world (insert visual of Eric scratching his head here).
2) Stay away from Wal-Mart. Only a moron would find themselves wandering through the isles of the 4th level of Hell this late in the season. Your family wants you to be with them for the holidays. If you do somehow manage to make it out of the store, with purchases no less, you still have the parking lot to deal with. Escape is futile. You've been warned.
1) Be courteous. Be nice to your fellow shoppers. It's the holiday season. You don't want to be that person that makes the 6 o'clock news playing tug-o-war with another shopper over the last Tickle Me Elmo in stock at Toys-R-Us. Maybe you do... Just keep your cool. If you get cut off in the parking lot (insert double honk car horn noise here), be patient and kindly wave at them with five fingers in the air, not one. If this is unavoidable due to a freak middle school woodshop class incident, it would probably be best just to smile at them. If someone takes your place in line at checkout, smile at them and wish them a happy holiday. Consider it a gift to them. That's what it's all about, right?
Of course you can ignore all the steps above and just drop ship everything by shopping Online early. That's the best shopping advice I can give anyone.
So there it is... What do I want for Christmas? That's easy! Donations to the new e-film I am producing. You can find the link to donate in the new links block I just implemented to the right of this content.
Thank you for your time and I wish you all the very best holiday shopping experience possible! |
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Last Updated on Monday, 05 January 2009 01:40 |
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Written by Eric Courtney
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Tuesday, 05 December 2006 01:35 |
One of the funniest things I've ever seen is when my dog farts loud enough to where he quickly turns to investigate his butt, wondering what the hell just happened! I've witnessed this many times in his four year life span, and I still can't stop laughing!!! Yes... easily amused, I am!
Another funny thing he does... You give him a rawhide bone, you let him chew on it for about five minutes, and then try to take it away. You'd be lucky to get your hand back in tact. 35 minutes later, however, when there's nothing left of the bone except a very slimey, gooey knot, he decides he wants to drop it on your lap! Then when you carefully grab the once solid piece of tightly wrapped hide with your thumb and index finger, and throw the disgusting mess onto the floor, he'll bring it right back for you to throw it again. Fetch, of course! You remember the whole ordeal two days later when he's begging for a bite of the salami sandwich your eating because he'll just stare at you with beef-skin spackled to his nose.
You gotta love dogs! |
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Last Updated on Monday, 05 January 2009 01:40 |
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Written by Eric Courtney
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Friday, 10 November 2006 01:59 |
It's official. Alaska has elected the hottest governor in the Union. Sarah Palin will soon take over the duties from the buffoon who is currently holding office. I'm not a big political blogger, and I am sure that you will find that obvious. I do, however, find it rather amusing that in a state where men outnumber women 3-1 (or more for all I know), an attractive woman gets the nod to lead our state. I'm sure she'll do a great job for us, and she has my blessings all the same.
A lot has happened this week. We're already close to subzero temps... In early November.
The Raiders still lack any evidence that an offense exists on their roster. Getting shut out by a one-time division rival on Monday night was very hard to watch. Although seeing Brian Bozworth in the booth did take me back to a time when the Raiders once thrived on Monday Night Football. A time when Bo Jackson mowed down defenses like a Snapper with a Top Fuel engine on it. Oh the glory days! Kenny Stabler! Where are you?
I still have Halloween candy left. I bought a bag of Reeses Peanut Butter Cups and a bag of Snickers. Not one little snot-nosed kid made it to the door that night, so now I have to eat it all! Those little bastards! And why is it that out of all the places to store chocolate, I store it on the counter over the dishwasher? One would think that I am smart enough to realize that Dishwashers produce heat... I guess I just like my candy gooey enough to make a giant mess.
Ok I should probably go to bed. You'll notice that my header has changed. It is a work in progress, and hopefully it will change often.
Peace to you all!
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Written by Eric Courtney
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Saturday, 07 October 2006 01:54 |
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After years of squatting this domain, it is finally official. The world now knows that I was the first Eric Courtney to snatch up the domain, ericcourtney.com. Does that make me more special than other Eric Courtneys in the world? Perhaps. Does it make me cooler than other Eric Courtneys? Not to be a complete snob or anything, but I don't need a domain to wear the belt for that title (insert visual of prize fighter holding up title-belt here).
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Last Updated on Friday, 09 January 2009 14:28 |
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Read more...
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Written by Eric Courtney
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Thursday, 05 October 2006 01:33 |
Alas! I was on MySpace Film over the weekend, and I came across a couple of short films that I enjoyed immensely. The films were called Bus Pirates 1 & 2. I won't try and explain the premise of the films, as they are far too enjoyable sailing in with empty canons! If ya saavy? Check the links to see for yourself.
After I watched these films, I left a few comments to the producers stating how much I enjoyed their efforts. Ever since the weekend I have been getting messages from pirate fans, and I ain't refering to the baseball franchise that resides in Pittsburgh. I'm talking about people who dress like pirates, people who talk like pirates, and people who make pirate films. I had no idea this little network existed, yet I found it interesting.
Here is another pirate film in the making.
Happy plundering!
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