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What is it with the style of t-shirts for men these days? I guess I'm not looking hard enough for something I like, but if your typical department stores (i.e. Macys, Sears, Gottchalks, Target, etc.) are any indication of what the current trend is, I guess I am definitely not fashionably casual looking anymore.
I went shopping last weekend to buy some new shirts. I don't really need any new t-shirts because the drawers to my dresser are hard to close right now as it is. On the other hand, I am getting that weird internal feeling that nags your subconscious that suggests people are starting to identify you solely for the shirts you're wearing. The feeling is so bad that I know when I get dressed to go bowling on Friday nights that I make it a point not to wear the same shirt that I wore the previous Friday. I mean if I wore my shirt that reads FRAK OFF across the front every Friday night, people in my bowling league would perceive me to be a complete Battlestar Galactica nerd, which I am, but that is not the image of myself I want to convey. Am I OCD? If you answered yes, I would probably agree with you.
I tend to lean toward dark shirts as a rule. If not black, my favorite, then I like dark not-so-vibrant colors like ochre, charcoal, maroon, brown and sometimes Army green. I try not to wear white or vibrant colored shirts because I am over 40 years old, and I have a belly that demands respect of the four most common food groups for a guy my age. That would be: Combo Meal #3 (at any drive-thru), pizza, chocolate and beer. Darker shirts not only hide your obesity a little better than white or vibrant shirts, but they also cloak the stain from a rogue french fry drowning in ketchup, not catsup, that failed to make it into the calorie-sucking-black hole under your nose.
So as I am browsing through all the t-shirts in these stores, I can't help but notice a common theme in today's latest trend. If the shirt doesn't have a skull, or skulls, wings, paint splotches, or some kind of celtic weave on it, you're probably not going to find it on the rack or shelves. Oh... And if there is a message of some type on the shirt, it's usually written in a hard gothic font of some kind, or something that looks like what a gang-banger might spray on the back of the stop sign at the end of your street. The designs on all the shirts are just so ornate and gaudi, and some of the black shirts actually have this type of design in a gold reflective-type appearance to it, "people actually wear this shit?" I would say to myself in disbelief. It's a completely different scene, and I have fallen out of touch.
I would move around to specialty stores as well, but these stores cater to a specific niche. I know I am getting old when I feel glaringly out-of-place when walking into these types of stores; and rightfully so. Picture in your head a 42 year old white guy walking into an Urban Outfitters type store. Now picture him walking out wearing a white over-sized t-shirt with a red rhinoceros on the front, and you get bonus points if you envision that same guy wearing a flat-billed ball cap mounted off-center on his melon. Yeah... That's me (wringing out the sarcasm rag now)!
The only other niche choices I can think of are becoming a skater, beach bumb, preppy metro-sexual, or a goth prince! I think my best option out of the bunch is the beach option; I didn't feel so uncomfy in that environment, and I also saw people my own age in those stores. I liked the look of some of the skater shirts, but I don't think I would be able to pull off a cool sounding reply if a kid came up to me and asked, "what kind of board (or deck) do you roll on, brah?" I defeated the "How Should I Express Myself" demons long ago, so the goth apparel was definitely not an option. And pink shirts that say "Haters Suck" fall under the vibrant color that I tend to steer away from. Although I spent more time in the beach themed store ("Surf's up, dude!"), I still didn't buy anything.
So while I struggle to find direction at this major intersection of crossroads in my life, I will either start wearing the musty smelling shirts that have been sitting in the bottom of my dresser drawers for a few months, to over a year, or I may continue to wear what I am wearing and start a t-shirt fashion trend of my own. I wonder if there is a market for 40 year old Battlestar Galactica nerds (So say we all!). |
